My Big ‘A-Ha’

I wanted to share something with you that has been a big ‘aha’ moment for me recently.

A powerful conversation with my coach this month left me unexpectedly emotional, as I realised I’m carrying deep-rooted narratives that life for me has to be hard.

That anything that comes ‘too easily’ (meaning without significant sacrifice and utter exhaustion) is a trick, waiting to catch me out as soon as I let my guard down.

An inherited narrative born out of existing in the intersections of race, class and gender inequities.

The force of this realisation caught me off-guard and I’ve since connected the dots of how it has shown up in my life as a self-fulfilling prophecy: I expect things to be hard and then make them more complicated than they need to be. Plus, I hold my breath in anticipation of the other shoe dropping, or feel suspicion or guilt when that hardship doesn’t manifest, thus creating an alternative type of ‘hard’ to grapple with, anyway.

Becoming conscious of this narrative has allowed me to make a conscious decision to rewrite it.

Not to dismiss it as a ‘limiting belief’ or ‘imposter syndrome’, because it’s really not that simple.

The reality is that there’s consistent historical evidence for why belonging to one or more marginalised group creates every reason to remain guarded and expect to work ‘twice as hard for half as much’.

But, the decision to be self-determined and choose your own narrative opens up the space for things to be done differently.

For me, that means being fully aware of the reality of the world we live in, while also digging into courage, faith and sheer stubbornness that my story can and will evolve into one where ease and joy are welcome and recurrent themes.

So my question for you if any of this resonates:

What inherited stories are you carrying about how life ‘has to be’, and what would be different if you decided to rewrite them?

Take some time out to write down some reflections on this and you may be surprised by what comes up – I’d love to know how you get on.

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